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THE LAW IS A ASS for 05/01/2001
DOCKET ENTRY
"The Law is a Ass" Installment # 93
Originally written as installment # 82 and published in Comics Buyer's Guide issue # 664, August 8, 1986 issue
There's an old saying that says, "If you have to explain it, it's not funny." Probably true, but an explanation follows nonetheless. In fact, the explanation is going to be longer than the actual column. But onward.
Come with me in the Way-Bak Machine to a simpler time: 1986. Frank Miller reigned supreme in the comic book world. Not surprising, Frank had made a solid reputation for himself as a writer-artist by crafting a series of good stories, well told. Solid writing, solid art. And many, many of these stories were about ninjas like Elektra or Ronin. Turns out One of Frank's favorite comics was the Japanese book Lone Wolf and Cub, which wasn't being printed here yet but he was bring much of what he admired from that book to his early work. We didn't know it at the time, but Frank was making us ready for Lone Wolf. Just another of the many things for which we have to be thankful to Frank.
Now at the same time that Frank was riding high, everyone else wanted to be Frank Miller. So the comic books were filled with more Frank Miller impersonators than fake Elvises in a Vegas donut shop. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles had caught on big as the first Miller inspired book and, while it was well-done, virtually every company was bringing out it's own Turtle knock-off. And the ones that weren't knocking off Turtles were doing some other book about ninjas or ronins or sword-wielding martial artists because that's what Frank was doing and it was selling.
The problem was most of these imitators were bad! They thought all they had to do was tell the same type of hack-'em-with-a-sword story Frank was telling and they could get Frank-like sales. They forgot that one little detail: The reason Frank's stories sold so well was that they were well-written and well-drawn. Frank's pen was mightier than the sword.
But what it left us with was a plethora of bad ninja stories by people who made careers out of doing whatever Frank did.
At the same time, Tony Isabella was doing a comic strip called Everett True in the pages of Comics Buyer's Guide. It was a kind of political cartoon for the industry. In one installment, he commented on the slew of bad Miller impersonators, who had built their career doing everything Frank did, instead of trying to find their own voice.
The strip which is the subject matter of this week's column went something like this. Everett True sat behind a news desk in panel one and reported that Frank Miller had committed ritualistic Japanese suicide, seppuku. The next panel showed Everett True looking off panel as dozens, maybe hundreds, of Frank Miller imitators followed his lead and committed seppuku. The third panel had Everett apologizing for the previous story, it had been a hoax. The last panel had Everett smiling slyly and laughing under is breath, as a big off-panel "Groan" was heard.
It was Tony having a big giggle.
I wrote the following column in response as another giggle. And that's the explanation; which was, as I said it would be, longer than the column.
So, why did I run this column instead of skipping it?
How can I do a historical re-printing of my entire "The Law is a Ass" output, if I skipped the column?
Beside which, this one was so easy to get ready for Justin, how could I not use it. Even columnists need a vacation sometimes.
******
"The Law is a Ass"
Installment # 93
by
Bob Ingersoll
They came for Tony Isabella yesterday.
He only has himself to blame. I told him not to do that Everett True, but did he listen? No.
I told him, you make a hoax announcement that Frank Miller has committed ritualistic seppuku, so that you can con all of his imitators into likewise offing themselves, and you're going to be prosecuted. He just laughed and asked, "For what?"
I told him that in Ohio aggravated murder doesn't mean that you have to kill someone. Rather it is causing the death of another with prior calculation and design. I told him, that's what he'd be doing with that Everett True, causing the death of over seventeen thousand Frank Miller imitators with prior calculation and design. He ran it anyway.
They arrested Tony yesterday. They'll charge him with aggravated murder tomorrow. The trial will be in about two months. And all my power can't save him!
Well, that's what he gets for not listening.
Hah! Who says I can't be brief?
BOB INGERSOLL
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