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THE LAW IS A ASS for 02/12/2002
DOCKET ENTRY
"The Law is a Ass" Installment # 132
Originally written as installment # 121 and published in Comics Buyer's Guide issue # 727, October 23, 1987 issue
This column discussed two really bad thingsfrom my perspective, anyway. The first was the possibility that Judge Robert Bork might become a justice of the Supreme Court. The second was the comic under the microscope of the week, Daredevil # 249. As you remember, Bork was not confirmed by the Senate and did not become a Supreme Court Justice.
However, for those of you who believe that one out of two ain't bad, might I remind you that still leaves us with Daredevil # 249.
******
"The Law is a Ass"
Installment # 132
by
Bob Ingersoll
As I type this, Robert Bork, nominee for the position of associate justice of the United States Supreme Court has just finished a week of testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Maybe you watched it. If you did, you're better than me. I'm a lawyer in the criminal defense bar. The way in which I will be able to do my job will be directly affected by whether or not the Senate confirms Bork. Still, I couldn't bring myself to watch the hearings in anything greater than fraction-of-an-hour segments; and small fractions they were.
Now I know the real reason Congress allows itself to be televised on C-Span. It gets to look oh so "Freedom of the Pressy" and brag how the Soviets would never allow something like this; while it is, at the same time, secure in the knowledge that no one is actually watching the broadcastsor, staying awake when they try. It's a bigger win-win situation than decrying the automatic Congressional pay raise to the public, while, all the time, pocketing the salary bump.
But what does Judge Bork have to do with this column? Absolutely nothing. However, watching the confirmation hearings and all the accompanying rhetoric of left versus rightlaw and order versus civil libertiesreminded me of Daredevil # 249, and its similar rhetoric. And what it reminded me of most was what a remarkable comic Daredevil # 249 truly was.
A comic with something for everyone to hate.
The plot is basically simple. Heck! Let me, for once, not indulge in the typical legal exercise of qualifying every statement. The plot is simple. (I won't mention the obvious joke abut the story itself that writer Ann Nocenti has foisted on us. That doesn't mean that I didn't mean it; I just won't mention it. You've all been reading me long enough to have anticipated it anyway.)
Someone named Bushwacker, an ex-priest, has taken on a new profession. Bushwacker is possessed of a bionic right hand, which he can reshape into various types of firearms. While, this would be a very useful implement to have in the African veldt or the New York subway system; Bushwacker uses it for a different purpose.
Bushwacker kills mutants and does it for hire.
Yes, more Marvel mutant mayhem. I'm getting to the point where the mutants can't fall fast enough for me.
Now, Bushwacker doesn't kill just any mutants. No, Bushy goes after the dangerous ones, mutant violinists, artists, and ballerinas, who use their mutant abilities to bring more beauty into this otherwise miserable world. That, ladies and gentlemen, is known as stacking the deck. How else to convince the skeptical reader that Bushwacker is a thoroughly bad man than to have him kill not only persons who cannot really defend themselves, but artistspeople who do nothing but bring beauty and joy into the world and who cannot defend themselves? We deserved better!
Wolverine has been tracking Bushwacker. Unfortunately, Wolverine keeps arriving just in time to find the bodies but too late to stop them from having become bodies. This makes Wolverine increasingly angry. Wolverine, who's the best there is at what he does, wants to do it to Bushwacker. Wolverine wants to give Bushwacker a swift SNIKT! in the pants, then work his way up in the world.
Daredevil is also looking for Bushwacker. Why? Because Bushwacker's wife, Marilyn, asked him to find her husband. (A hired killer and married? Boy, when priests in the Marvel universe lose the faith, they go all the way!)
Actually, it's a little more complicated. Marilyn knows Bushy is loopy. She went to Matt Murdoch, the lawyer who just happens to be Daredevil's secret identity, for assistance. She wants to have Bushwacker committed to an asylum and figures Matt the lawyer can help her do this. She also made Matt promise that the police wouldn't hurt Bushwacker. (She didn't bother explaining how she expected a blind lawyer to keep this promise. But, I guess when you're dumb enough to ask for such a promise, you're not going to worry about the little details, like how it's going to work.) Matt decided to speed up the process by tracking Bushwacker down as Daredevil and bringing him in.
Daredevil is concerned. On Page 6 Panel 8 he thinks, "I can't kelp think that a man that calls himself Bushwacker is going to be trouble!" This should qualify for the Understatement of the Year Award. In a world where super-villains go by such terror-inspiring names as Stilt-Man, The Ringer, and Paste-Pot-Pete, Daredevil thinks someone who calls himself Bushwacker is likely to be dangerous.
Daredevil tracks down Bushwacker. So does Wolverine. They both find him in a theater, where he is killing some time, before he kills some mutie. Daredevil realizes that Wolverine wants to kill Bushwacker. As Bushwacker leaves the theater, both follow him. Wolverine attacks Bushwacker and is about to kill him, but Daredevil stops Wolverine. Then Wolverine and Daredevil...
Come on, this is a Marvel Comic book. What else do Marvel Super-heroes do, when they meet?
Wolverine punches Daredevil and says, "Bushwacker is a killer! He deserves to die! I'm going to kill him!" Daredevil punches Wolverine and says, "We're not judge and jury! We don't have the right to kill him! We must capture him, so that he can stand trial!" Fight, fight, fight. Punch, punch punch. Platitude, platitude, platitude. To it's credit, it was only one-and-one-half pages of fight; far shorter than the average Marvel Comics heroes-fight-other-before-realizing-that-they're-on-the-same-side-and-team-up fight scene. It only seemed as long as the average Marvel Comics fight scene.
In the meantime, they're so busy fighting each other, they ignore Bushwacker, you know the guy there were trying to stop, before he kill again. So, they don't stop him and he kills again. Bushwacker sneaks away and offs a ballerina. And just in case the subtlety of this story is lost on us, he kills her by impaling her on a fence in a position that resembles crucifixion.
This enrages Daredevil and Wolverine even more. They find Bushwacker and defeat him. Wolverine still wants to kill him. Daredevil still wants to stop Wolverine from doing that. So, we get several more panels of the same damned speeches we got earlier in the story. Finally, the police come and Wolverine has to run away, before he gets to kill Bushwacker. Bushwacker is arrested. Daredevil wins this one on a TKO.
The next day, Marilyn sees Matt and complains. She visited Bushwacker in jail and found him all broken and beaten. "How could [Daredevil] do such a thing?!" she asks. What kind of horrible man is he, she wants to know. Matt can only bow his head and apologize to Marilyn. Weakly. While, at the same time, Karen Page, Matt's secretary and the love of his life, thinks, "How much can you take? How much can one man take before he breaks!?"
Funny, I was wondering the same thing myself. (I was also wondering why Ms. Nocenti couldn't decide which punctuation mark to use, but let's get back to the subject at hand.) As I said, I was wondering the same thing. Not about Matt. I didn't care how long until he broke. I was worried about those of us who had to read Daredevil # 249. How long would it be before we broke?
On the one hand, we had Wolverine arguing that Bushwacker was a vicious killera fact no one disputedand that he should be allowed to kill Bushwacker, before Bushwacker killed again. This, of course, was troublesome to those who believe that ours is a system of justice which works by staying within the system. In other words, people should uphold the laws and bring those who do not to court. But people should not take the law into their own hands and become judge, jury, and executioner.
On the other hand, we had Daredevil stopping Wolverine, so that he could argue what I outlined above. This, of course, was troublesome to those who think our system of justice coddles the criminals, that justice delayed is justice denied, and that a little direct action is what's needed.
And during all this, as I indicated before, neither Wolverine nor Daredevil bother to stop Bushwacker, which leaves him free to kill. This, or course, was troublesome to anybody who thinks at all. Both heroes acted like walking, talking, living, breathing components of a "Point/Counter-Point" debate and neither bothered to act like a hero, like say, bringing in the bad guy before he kills again.
Guys, next time, I have a suggestionstop the killer first, then argue about what you're going to do with him. It may not be as dramatic, but it's much more effective that way.
******
BOB INGERSOLL, who is a lawyer in Cleveland, Ohio, a CBG columnist/legal analyst, and still a comic book collector--although stories like Daredevil # 249 make that last one difficult at times--has a request to make of all my readers. Do not, either during the confirmation hearings on Judge Bork, or in the event of his being appointed to the Supreme Court--regardless of how funny you think it is--do not send me any copies of The Brave and the Bold # 81, "But Bork Can Hurt You!" It doesn't matter when you send it--even if you sent it yesterday by overnight Express Mail and that knock I hear on the door is the postman delivering it--I promise you, you're already not the first person to send it to me.
Bob Ingersoll
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