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Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Monday, January 3, 2005
My Sundays will be a little less joyful in 2005.
Dave Barry, one of the funniest people in the entire history of funny people, won't be writing his weekly column after this week and, conceivably, not ever again. You can read his final column - and, of course, it's funny, maybe in a bittersweet way, but, yeah, it's funny right to the end - here:
www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/10546245.htm
I can't remember when I started reading Barry's columns, but I know Sainted Wife Barb and I were reading one of his collections on our honeymoon flight to Jamaica over two decades ago. I know I subscribed to the Akron Beacon-Journal mostly because his columns appeared there and that it wasn't the first time I subscribed to a newspaper for that reason. I'm pretty sure I have every Barry book ever published. I will keep buying his books as long as he keeps writing them.
When asked to name my favorite living (non-comics) writers, I included Barry on a short list which consisted of him, Max Allan Collins, Harlan Ellison, Stephen King, and Ed McBain. I once stood on line for two hours to get his signature on books I had purchased for myself and friends.
I watched every episode (except for the one that never aired) of DAVE'S WORLD, a mildly successful sitcom based on two of Barry's collections and starring Harry Anderson, and would buy DVD sets of its four seasons (1993-1996) if they were available.
I count Barry among my creative influences and have come close to having sex with people just because they favorably compared some of my better columns to his...and I'm not even talking good-looking people here.
Got the picture? I'm a huge fan of Dave Barry. I may be only a fan letter with nude photo away from being charged as a stalker. I'm going to miss my weekly "visits" with him.
No one can accuse Barry of dogging it during the past twelve months. In addition to his weekly column, he wrote several columns each on the Democratic and Republican national conventions and on his trip to Greece for the Olympics...and he closed out 2004 with his traditional holiday gift guide and year-end report. No writer brought more smiles to my face last year.
As much as I'll miss his columns, I hope Barry enjoys his time away from the weekly obligation of creating smiles in a world that has too few of them. Whenever he's ready to write again, whatever he writes, I'll be there. I'd even stand in line for two hours to get Barry to sign it.
Barring the presence of a restraining order.
******
SPIDER-MAN INDIA
SPIDER-MAN INDIA [Marvel; $2.99] sounded interesting when it was first announced. I had kind of sort of enjoyed SPIDER-MAN: THE MANGA in the late 1990s with its Japanese take on the classic hero and was looking forward to this new version. Enter disappointment, stage right.
Having read the first two issues of this mini-series, I must sadly conclude SPIDER-MAN INDIA, on almost every level, is little more than cheap knock-off of the original. For the most part, only the names have been changed to give a faux-exotic coating to this alternate Spidey. When further changes are made, they are usually for the worse.
Peter Parker is now Pavitr Prabhakar. His parents are dead, and, with his Uncle Bhim and Aunt Maya, he's come to the big city from a small village to get a better education than he could get in said village. The village locale could have been a good twist, but it's destroyed in the first ish. By Nalin Oberoi (Norman Osborn). To get an amulet. Which turns him into a creature like the Green Goblin in ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN.
I'll get back to the origins momentarily.
Mary Jane becomes Meera Jain, acting and dressing much as she does in USM. The street thugs carry scimitars instead of Saturday night specials. The jocks play cricket instead of football. Flash is still called Flash and, just as in USM, Pavitr/Peter takes his place on the cricket/basketball team. It's like reading a badly-dubbed foreign film.
The India influence is most pronounced in the origins of the hero and villain. Pavitr does not get his powers from an accident with a radioactive spider, but directly from the forces of good who reveal to him that he is destined to be a hero. This is important to my next criticism.
Pavitr KNOWS why he got his powers and how he's supposed to be using them, KNOWS this from the moment he gets them, SHOULDN'T have the confusion with which his American inspiration had to deal. So, given that, how can he just swing by as a woman is being robbed and about to be raped?
I can't answer the "how" of that, but the "why" is painfully obvious. So Uncle Bhim can get himself killed in a lame parallel to Uncle Ben's death. I like the great power/great responsibility bit as much as the next Spider-fan, but, to my amazement, this book actually messed it up.
Nalin/Norman is, naturally, the avatar of the forces of evil. He spends two solid issues in his office, even after he's gone all green and scary. His masters tell him Pavitr is Spider-Man, so he doesn't even have to figure that out on his own. And then he sends a toady to capture or kill Pavitr.
The toady is Doctor Octopus, though he's never called anything other than "Doctor" in these issues. His arms do not appear to be part of him - he doesn't wear them in Nalin's office - so we get a third blown origin in SPIDER-MAN INDIA.
The flaws in concept and plot are echoed in the writing and art. The dialogue is typical American comic-book teenager with a few foreign words clumsily inserted. The art is your basic modern trite with a few manga overtones.
SPIDER-MAN INDIA gets no Tonys from me. I may be struck with the two remaining issues, but I don't plan to read them. Instead, after they arrive, I'll send the set to the first reader who pisses me off *and* includes his real name and address.
******
TONY'S MAILBOX
Speaking of which, here's an e-mail I received from somebody named JIM who either doesn't have a last time or is too cowardly to use it. He writes:
I hadn't read Online Tips for quite awhile and I see nothing has changed. Still taking shots at the Bush administration, I see. Just the reason I tune in to a comic book site. Look, if you are that unhappy with the way the current President runs this country, move up to Canada until January 2009. You can still have your online fits from there. Canada may not even let you in but it's worth a shot. I'm sure your wife can support you up there just as well as in Ohio.
Man, did he tell me off or what?
Actually, folks like Jim don't piss me off. They amuse me no end. Full of indignation. Prone to petty insults. Assuming they have me pegged. And, inevitably, too spineless to sign their names to their spurious attacks. They are the pathetic court jesters of the morally vacant.
Yes, you might well have detected a petty insult or two in my response to Jim's e-mail. I plead "no contest" while pointing out that, as with every one of the thousands of columns I have written, this one is signed.
I will now commence my superiority dance.
******
TONY POLLS
Most every Monday, I post a question or questions on our TONY POLLS page. Did I do it today? I'm not sure.
I'm working on some questions, but I'm not entirely happy with their wording. If I'm able to work out the bugs in them by Monday, there will be a new question or questions at:
www.worldfamouscomics.com/tony/poll
If I can't, there won't be a new question or questions there. It's the suspense that keeps me going.
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me. I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
Tony Isabella
<< 01/02/2005 | 01/03/2005 | 01/04/2005 >>
Discuss this column with me at my Message Board. Also, read Heroes and Villains: Real and Imagined.
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to:
Tony's Online Tips
840 Damon Drive
Medina, OH 44256
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