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Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Friday, July 28, 2005
Veteran TOT readers know of my great love for "giant monster" movies. From THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN to ZARKORR! THE INVADER, I just dig them. Still, not even *my* love is so all-encompassing as to include REPTILICUS, a 1961 Danish film, whose serpent-like beast was basically a sock puppet with acidic phlegm. At the end of the film, the monster's main weapon is neutralized with a gigantic Tums tablet and the creature itself is dispatched by an army of Danish sushi chefs. For a short while, while the limited supply lasted, "Reptilicus rolls" deposed blowfish as the choice delicacy of suicidal gourmets everywhere.
Charlton Comics, thrilled with the success of its comics based on GORGO and KONGA, added a REPTILICUS title to its line-up. The book ran two issues before a Danish housewife working at the Comics Code Authority pointed out that "reptilicus" was actually a Danish word meaning "turd blossom."
Charlton canceled its license with the potty-mouthed Danes and continued the series under the title REPTISAURUS, which, unbeknown to the American publisher, was a Latin word meaning "Dick Cheney." This is where I come in.
Randy Gipson, one of favorite eBay sellers, sold me a copy of REPTISAURUS #4 [April, 1962]. I was an enthusiastic reader of both GORGO and KONGA as a youth - even when they weren't drawn by Steve Ditko - and have been buying issues of those titles whenever I can find them at prices I can afford. Though I had never read an issue of REPTISAURUS, I went for this copy because, at the very least, I knew Randy would have graded it accurately and would send it my way quickly. Of course, once I got the comic and read it, I realized it should have come with a warning label.
Send the children out of the room, parents. The rest of this column contains descriptions and an actual depiction of...
...MONSTER SEX!
Once you get past the cover - a collage of interior panels - the title puts it right out there:
"Reptisaurus Meets His Mate"
There are no credits on this 20-page story. It does sort of read like the amazingly prolific Joe Gill on a bad day, but, having enjoyed so hundreds of Gill tales over the years, I can't believe he'd have had Russian premier Nikita Khrushchev talking like one of the Bowery Boys:
In case you can't read the lettered-by-machine speech balloon in that panel, Nikita is saying:
"How come you guys didn't invent sump'n like dat?"
The art is in keeping with the original REPTILICUS. It's just awful. Here and there, I catch a glimpse of a familiar style, but I hesitate to name names when I'm not sure and when I also suspect the culprits were working for ridiculously low rates and absurdly tight deadlines.
Reptisaurus looks like a no-frills version of Reptilicus, but with the addition of skinny arms:
Reptisaurus also flies, which Reptilicus only did in the uncut Danish version of the movie. Even by the low-budget standards of the era, distributor American International felt that the scenes of the monster being held aloft on strings by night were too cheesy to be included. However, true to the original inspiration, there are panels in this comic...
...where Reptisaurus looks like he's got a hand up his butt. Once a sock puppet, always a sock puppet.
It's not until page 17 of this story that Reptisaurus actually meets his mate. The issue opens with the title star emerging from a South American jungle and quickly switches to the second creature making her debut in the Arctic. We're briefly introduced to a "Dr. Hovari," further described as a "principal in this tale," but he's never seen again after the first panel of the third page. Clearly, the attention-deficient writer got so wrapped in his scripting that he forgot about the hapless Hovari.
And what a script it is. Over a dozen pages of these monsters making their way across the globe, terrorizing civilians, snacking whenever they get a bit peckish, and generally laughing at the puny armies who attempt to stop them. To the writer's credit, neither creature actually gets a "Ha! Ha!" word balloon, but the artist(s) always makes them look as if they were smirking.
Reptisaurus meets his mate on page 17...and the couple go for the rough stuff right away. They battle over the Everglades, move on to a Florida resort city, and finally end up back in the swamp. The story closes on this shocking scene:
A National Guard soldier explains it to his general:
They were courtin', that's all! Every time that big one slammed the smaller one, that was sayin' 'I love you!' monster style! Right now, I'll bet they're billin' and cooin' like a couple of honeymooners!
Too much information.
Charlton canceled REPTISAURUS with its eighth issue [December, 1962], though the company published a one-shot special edition in the summer of 1963. I don't know if any of the other issues are as goofy as this issue, but, if they were, that might be an incentive for me to collect them. Even bad giant monster comics and movies can be entertaining.
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me, I'll be back on Monday with more stuff.
Tony Isabella
<< 07/28/2005 | 07/29/2005 | 08/01/2005 >>
Discuss this column with me at my Message Board. Also, read Heroes and Villains: Real and Imagined.
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
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Medina, OH 44256
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