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Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation honors the worst in motion pictures with its annual Razzies. The nominations for this year's awards were announced earlier this month and we asked our Tony Polls voters to weigh with their choices for which movies and performers should be given the Golden Raspberry in each of the 11 categories designated by the Foundation.
Outside of Ghost Rider, which I actually enjoyed, I did not see any of the nominated movies. But I didn't let that stop me from voting on the Razzies. Uninformed voting is a proud American tradition, as witness anyone who voted for George Bush even once. At least my voting for movies I haven't seen doesn't rack up a body count. Unless Eddie Murphy is feeling suicidal.
Besides, I have a "system" for voting on the Razzies. If any of the nominees is one of those modern "torture porn" horror films, it gets my vote. If there's a "torture porn" sequel to an earlier "torture porn" movie, it gets my vote over a "torture porn" movie that's just starting out. And, by the way, if you enjoy that crap, you're a sick pervert who should be introduced to my nail gun, my chainsaw, and a little something I like to call my "ultimate cheese grater." I'm just saying.
If there is no "torture porn" movie among the nominees in any given category, my fallback position is voting for a film in which Eddie Murphy plays multiple roles.
My secondary fallback position? Any movies with Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, or shallow bimbos of either sex. My system served me particularly well this year.
Here's how you voted:
Who do you think should receive the Razzie for WORST EXCUSE FOR A HORROR MOVIE?
Hostel: Part II.....34.38%
I Know Who Killed Me.....32.81%
Hannibal Rising.....15.62%
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem.....10.94%
Captivity.....6.25%
WORST SCREENPLAY
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.....32.26%
Norbit.....30.65%
Epic Movie.....16.13%
Daddy Day Camp.....12.90%
I Know Who Killed Me.....8.06%
WORST DIRECTOR
Brian Robbins (Norbit).....40%
Dennis Dugan (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry).....25.45%
Fred Savage (Daddy Day Camp).....16.36%
Chris Siverston (I Know Who Killed Me).....14.55%
Roland Joffe (Captivity).....3.64%
WORST PREQUEL OR SEQUEL
Hostel: Part II.....24.56%
Daddy Day Camp.....22.81%
Hannibal Rising.....21.05%
Evan Almighty.....19.30%
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem.....12.28%
WORST REMAKE OR RIP-OFF
Bratz.....30.91%
I Know Who Killed Me.....21.82%
Epic Movie.....20%
Who's Your Caddy.....20%
Are We Done Yet?.....7.27%
WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Eddie Murphy as Norbit and either Eddie Murphy as Mr. Wong or Rasputia (Norbit).....39.29%
Adam Sandler & Jennifer Biel or Kevin James (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry).....26.79%
Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan (I Know Who Killed Me).....14.29%
Any Two Totally Air-Headed Characters (Bratz).....10.71%
Jessica Alba & either Hayden Christensen (Awake) or Dane Cook (Good Luck Chuck), or Ioan Gruffudd (Fantastic Four: The Rise of Silver Surfer)...8.93%
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Eddie Murphy as Rasputia (Norbit).....58.49%
Carmen Electra (Epic Movie).....20.75%
Jessica Biel (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry and Next).....15.09%
Julia Ormond (I Know Who Killed Me).....3.77%
Nicolette Sheridan (Code Name: The Cleaner).....1.89%
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Eddie Murphy as Mr. Wong (Norbit).....37.04%
Rob Schneider (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry).....31.46%
Jon Voight (Bratz, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, September Dawn, and Transformers) .....18.52%
Orlando Bloom (Pirates of The Caribean: At World's End).....3.70%
Kevin James (I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry).....9.26%
WORST ACTRESS
Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos, Skyler Shaye (Bratz).....35.29%
Lindsay Lohan as Aubrey (I Know Who Killed Me).....23.53%
Diane Keaton (Because I Said So).....13.73%
Elisha Cuthbert (Captivity).....11.76%
Jessica Alba (Awake, Fantastic Four: The Rise of Silver Surfer, and Good Luck Chuck).....9.80%
Lindsay Lohan as Dakota (I Know Who Killed Me).....5.88%
WORST ACTOR
Eddie Murphy as Norbit (Norbit).....34.55%
Adam Sandler (Chuck & Larry).....34.55%
Cuba Gooding, Jr. (Daddy Day Camp and Norbit).....14.55%
Nicolas Cage (Ghost Rider, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, and Next).....9.09%
Jim Carrey (The Number 23).....7.27%
WORST PICTURE
Norbit.....41.51%
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.....28.30%
Bratz.....13.21%
I Know Who Killed Me.....11.32%
Daddy Day Camp.....5.66%
The winners of the 2007 Razzies will be announced on February 23, at Magicopolis in Santa Monica. When they are, we'll compare them to your choices and mine.
This week's Tony Polls questions have been posted and concern DC Universe teams...
Who is your favorite of the current Justice League of America members?
Who is your least favorite of current Justice League of America members?
Who would you most like to see rejoin the Justice League?
Which is your favorite current DCU team?
You can cast your votes at:
www.worldfamouscomics.com/tony/poll
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me. I take a day off after every ten columns, so my next Tony's Online Tips is scheduled for Thursday. See you then.
Tony Isabella
<< 01/28/2008 | 01/29/2008 | 01/31/2008 >>
Discuss this column with me at my Message Board. Also, read Heroes and Villains: Real and Imagined.
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to:
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