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Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Tuesday, March 4, 2008
The Golden Raspberry Awards honor the worst in motion pictures. This year's "winners" were announced at the Abracadabra Theater in Santa Monica on February 23. However, a month earlier, we asked our Tony Polls voters to pick their choices for the worst in each of the 11 Razzies categories. Here's how your votes and mine compared to the actual results.
Worst Excuse For a Horror Movie
You chose...Hostel: Part II.
I chose...Hostel: Part II.
The winner...I Know Who Killed Me.
Worst Screenplay
You chose...I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.
I chose...Norbit.
The winner...I Know Who Killed Me.
Worst Director
You chose...Brian Robbins (Norbit).
I chose...Brian Robbins (Norbit).
The winner...Chris Siverstone (I Know Who Killed Me).
Worst Prequel or Sequel
You chose...Hostel: Part II
I chose...Hostel: Part II
The winner...Daddy Day Camp.
Worst Remake or Rip-off
You chose...Bratz.
I chose...Bratz.
The winner was...I Know Who Killed Me.
Worst Screen Couple
You chose...Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Norbit).
I chose...Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Norbit).
The winner was...Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan (I Know Who Killed Me).
Worst Supporting Actress
You chose...Eddie Murphy as Rasputia (Norbit).
I chose...Eddie Murphy as Rasputia (Norbit).
The winner was...Eddie Murphy (Norbit).
Worst Supporting Actor
You chose...Eddie Murphy as Mr. Wong (Norbit).
I chose...Eddie Murphy as Mr. Wong (Norbit).
The winner...Eddie Murphy (Norbit).
Worst Actress
You chose...Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos, and Skyler Shaye (Bratz).
I chose...Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos, and Skyler Shaye (Bratz).
The winner was a tie between...Lindsay Lohan as Aubrey and Lindsay Lohan as Dakota (I Know Who Killed Me).
Worst Actor
In a tie, you chose...Eddie Murphy (Norbit) and Adam Sandler (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry).
I chose...Eddie Murphy (Norbit).
The winner was...Eddie Murphy (Norbit).
Worst Picture
You chose...Norbit.
I chose...Norbit.
The winner was...I Know Who Killed Me.
If you were keeping score, you and I picked the winners in 27% of the categories. Sadly, being right 27% of the time makes all of us overqualified to work in the Bush administration. We just can't catch a break, can we?
I Know Who Killed Me set a new Razzies record with its eight victories, surpassing previous record holders Battlefield Earth and Showgirls. Murphy became the first performer to win three out of the four acting awards. My faith in Hollywood is such that I believe, someday, some movie will win all 11 Razzie Awards. But I also think there's a strong possibility no one will ever top Murphy's amazing achievement. Unless...
Oh my God!
Norbit 2?
******
LIGHTNING ROUND REVIEWS
Archie's Double Digest #185 [Archie; $3.69] offers its usual 200 or so pages of pleasant entertainment. My favorite story is "Changing His Toon," which starts with Archie asking cartoonist Chuck if he really has crisscrosses on his head and continues with Archie also trying his hand at caricature. Most of the other tales are winter-themed, but there are also stories about action figures and baseball cards. I give the issue a perfectly respectable three out of five Tonys.
Archie's Pals 'N Gals Double Digest #118 [$3.69] leads with "Dueling Dummies," a 15-page comedy/adventure by George Gladir with art by Fernando Ruiz and Jon D'Agostino. In the issue's other tales, Jughead throws a party, the gang goes skiing, Betty plays ice hockey, the gang goes skiing, Mr. Lodge hires someone help curb Veronica's shopping, Archie throws a party, Mr. Weatherbee invests in art, the gang goes skiing, Mr. Weatherbee takes a shower, and, of course, the gang goes skiing. Another couple hundred pages of fun comics and another three Tonys.
I've never seen Dondi, a 1961 movie based on the comic strip created by Gus Edson and Irwin Hasen, but I do own a copy of Dondi, the Dell Movie Classic adaptation of the movie that, oddly, does not have a cover price. Since the Dell Four-Color One-Shots that came before and after it cost 15 cents, I assume that's what this comic cost as well. Anyway, the adaptation has a funny, heartwarming Gaylord DuBois script with energetic art by Joe Certa of Martian Manhunter fame. Based on this book, I'd love to see the movie, but, alas, it doesn't seem to be available. This pleasant adaptation earns three Tonys.
Infinity Inc. [DC; $2.99] is an reasonable entertaining series that follows up on the abandoned teens who got super-powers from Lex Luthor's ill-fated Everyman Project. John "Steel" Irons is the "Professor Xavier" of this group, which includes his niece Natasha, a gender-shifting young man, and another young man who can generate his own twin. Though these kids have lost their original powers, they are developing new powers. Some of them have become dangers to society, some are only dangers to themselves, and this bunch is trying to make the best of the situation. I'm not really a fan of writer Peter Milligan's work, but he's doing a decent job here and managing to temper the weirdness with good storytelling. The art isn't at all remarkable, but it's adequate for the needs of the series. Batman and Superman make cameo appearances in issue #6 and will likely play a bigger part as the current story progress. The series to date earns three Tonys.
Writer/creator Shawn Granger sent me a copy of Innocent [King Tractor Press; $9.95], an anthology of stories about an angel of retribution and a mortal sociopath who team to do God's work on Earth. As with DC's Spectre, I have a hard time accepting that God needs hitmen, but, if you can get past that, you'll find a handful of tales by a promising writer, drawn by several different artists who don't uniformly do them justice. The two I liked were Jennifer Aponte and Daniel Vera. It's a decent package for the money, but it only rates two out of five Tonys.
Written by Fred Van Lente with art by Cory Hamscher, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four Vol. 7: The Silver Surfer [Marvel; $6.99] collects issues #25-28 of the all-ages title. Generally, I enjoy the Marvel Adventures titles, but this book just didn't float my boat. The lead story - in which the Human Torch visits various alternate realities - was fun. The rest, even with appearances by Galactus, the Silver Surfer, and the Inhumans, didn't do anything for me. Your mileage may vary, but the best I can do for this book is a disappointing two out of five Tonys.
******
BIRTHDAYS
Here's wishing a happy birthday to my pal Jay Fife, who is an incredibly gifted illustrator with an eye for beautiful women and scary monsters. And what does it say about me that, of all the great Fife art I could have run here, I picked a showdown between Godzilla and Gamera? I hope I don't have to wait until Jay's next birthday to find an excuse to run the Zatanna print he gave me at last year's Mid-Ohio-Con. If you'd like to enjoy more Fife art and maybe commission a piece from him, head over to:
www.jayfife.com
Leave us also extend the warmest birthday wishes to Glenn Hauman, Vice President, Operations and Production Manager, and contributor to the terrific ComicMix website...even if he's never given me Godzilla or Zatanna art. You can visit Glenn and the rest of the talented ComicMix crew at:
www.comicmix.com
******
BLACK LIGHTNING
I haven't read any comics featuring Black Lightning recently, so I have none of the issue-by-issue critiques you keep asking me to provide. Be patient; once my comics-sorting gets to the letter "J", there will be issues of Justice League of America and Justice Society of America for me to write about. However, I do have some Black Lightning news for you.
I received a report that, in addition to the Black Lightning figure that shipped last year, the DC Direct toy line is planning to produce a "classic" Black Lightning figure, presumably based on the character's original look as designed by Trevor Von Eeden with guidance from me. Besides being a cool thing in and of itself, the action figure should also bring some money for me.
I have to include the "should" qualifier because, sad to say, DC Comics doesn't always honor its agreements with me or honor them in a timely fashion. I'm still waiting on payment for last year's Black Lightning figure. Sigh.
Keep reading TOT for more Black Lightning news, views, and, of course, reviews.
******
BLOGGY BITS
When I wrote last Friday's column with its announcement that my finances and (hopefully temporary) unemployment necessitated my making TOT a reader-supported feature, I knew I was exposing myself to snarky online attacks. Much to my surprise, there were fewer of them than I had anticipated, virtually all of them were from blogs or websites which usually never give me or my work the time of day. Much to my delight, TOT readers responded to my announcement with donations, some so large that I was literally stunned into silence when I received them.
Thanks to your amazing generosity, TOT is fully funded through the month of March and well into April. I'll have a better notion how far into April once I add them all up and send out my thank you e-mails. I have no idea if this kind of support is sustainable in the long run, but, in this short run, it has lifted my spirits and my enthusiasm more than I can express.
Thank you for your donations, Thank you for your many e-mails of encouragement. Thank you for being part of my life.
Today's column was brought to you by Martin and John. I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
Tony Isabella
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to:
Tony's Online Tips
840 Damon Drive
Medina, OH 44256
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