When I realized the Tony Polls questions for the first week of April were going to be posted on April Fools Day, I knew I had to go for the laughs. Unfortunately, some of the voters didn't quite get the "humor" thing and submitted serious write-in votes to some of the questions. No matter. It was all good fun and you'll read their comments in a bit. But, first, here are the results of the questions we asked the week of April 1.
Which of these epics is the "greatest" SPIDER-MAN story of all time?
The Clone Saga.....19.59%
One More Day.....16.49%
Sins Past.....15.46%
Spider-Man: Chapter One.....13.40%
Maximum Carnage.....7.22%
The Gathering of Five.....3.09%
Other.....24.74%
This was a tougher call than I thought it would have been. I actually had to consider "The Clone Saga" (dumb, but not quite the worst Spider-Man story ever) and "Sins Past" (truly horrible on so many levels) before realizing no tale has ever gotten Spidey more wrong or done more damage to the character and his supporting cast than the irredeemably awful One More Day.
Some voters didn't catch the sarcastic significance of those quotes around "greatest" or that the listed choices were all really bad stories. Those voters cast their ballot for some really great stories, as you will now see.
Dewey Cassell picked "The Death of Gwen Stacy" for his write-in choice for the "greatest" Spider-Man story and, since he included the quote marks, I figure he was voting in the sarcastic spirit I tried so hard to encourage.
Ken Quattro didn't get it and wrote:
Without a doubt THE BEST Spider-Man story of all time has to be the arc that ran in Amazing Spider-Man #31-33, which is often referred to as the Master Planner story. Ditko at his best and Spidey at his most inspiring. The sequence of pages that start with the splash in ASM #33 and build to the full-page image of him heaving off the machinery that was crushing him still sends chills down my spine. This story hooked me and made me a fan forever.
William Ashley Vaughan sent this:
Even Stan Lee had his off days and Amazing Spider-Man #81's "The Coming of the Kangaroo," featuring the debut of one of the most spectacularly lame villains in Marvel history, was one of the worst of them. The Kangaroo was so lame his costume should have been designed with a pouch so he'd have somewhere to hide his head in shame. However, I am not proposing this story as Spider-Man's "greatest." Only one thing could make a worse Spider-Man story than the creation of the Kangaroo and that is the story that brought him back. I therefore nominate Gerry Conway's "The Kangaroo Bounces Back" in Amazing Spider-Man #126 as the "greatest" Spider-Man story of all time. It deserves it for the title alone.
Jason Michaels sent comments on all of the questions. On this one, he wrote:
Which of these is the "greatest" SPIDER-MAN story of all time? My choice was "other" and my vote is for the storyline by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko which ended in Amazing Spider-Man #33, "The Final Chapter." I can't recall how many issues this serial ran, but Spider-Man never got any better for me.
Neil Ottenstein wrote this:
I've a soft spot for the Master Planner story from Amazing Spider-Man #31-33. This will always stick in my memory.
Then, followed up that note with this one:
I just noticed you put this out on April 1 and that most of the stories listed are actually among the "worst" ones. You should have a real greatest Spider-Man story poll some time.
That's an excellent suggestion, Neil, and TOT readers should consider this an open invitation to send me their nominations for the best Spider-Man stories of all time. You don't have to limit yourselves to one or two. If you have a dozen contenders, you can suggest them all to me at:
As soon as I have enough nominations, I'll post the question on the Tony Polls page.
Who should be the next new member of the Justice League of America?
Giant Turtle Man Olsen.....11.54%
Rorschach.....10.58%
Ultra The Multi-Alien.....10.58%
Jonah Hex.....9.62%
Viking Prince.....8.65%
Gray Ghost.....5.77%
Arm Fall Off Boy.....4.81%
Super-Hip.....4.81%
Bat-Mite.....3.85%
Beppo.....3.85%
Casey the Cop.....3.85%
Merryman.....3.85%
Space Cabbie.....3.85%
Ding Dong Daddy.....2.88%
G.I. Robot.....2.88%
Bird-Boy.....1.92%
Spider Jerusalem.....1.92%
Prince Ra-Man.....0.96%
Zook.....0.96%
Other.....2.88%
Though I love Giant Turtle Man Olsen and meaning no disrespect to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, I voted for Rorschach. But it would probably only be a matter of issues before some other JLA member whacked him. My money's on Hal Jordan.
Jason Michaels wrote:
I went with "Merryman" because I am a huge Inferior Five fan. But I guess if he joined, DC would probably publish the "Infinitely Inferior" mini-series and have him betrayed and killed by Fox and Crow. Probably raped afterwards, too.
Dan DiDio just phoned. He wants your e-mail address so he can sign you to an exclusive contract.
Who will be Buffy Summers' next sleepover snuggle pal?
There were no "other" votes, but I did get an e-mail wondering why I left Dawn and Scooby-Doo off the list - Sicko! - and another lambasting me for posting such a poll question in the first place. And here I thought I was being the model of propriety by refraining from "Principal Wood" jokes.
I voted for Shaggy because, with a metabolism that lets him eat so much without gaining weight, I figured he'd be one of the very few humans able to keep up with Ms. Summers. On the other hand, I think Harmony would probably be the most fun...if you could keep her from sucking your blood.
Jason Michaels wrote:
I didn't answer. Buffy seems to be too indiscriminate for me. I've followed Buffy since the original movie, and she's always had awful taste. Luke Perry? David Boreanaz? Riley? Spike? And now the girl whose name escapes me at the moment? A bunch of drips. Enough! She never listens to me anyway.
Jason, have you ever really tried to tell Buffy how you feel about her? I mean, really?
Entertainment Weekly has picked its 20 worst comic-book movies of all time...and, yes, some of their choices are from comic strips or pulp magazines. From their list, which do you think is the worst?
Batman & Robin.....36.45%
Howard the Duck.....16.82%
Catwoman.....11.21%
Superman IV.....11.21%
Steel.....4.67%
Swamp Thing.....4.67%
Barb Wire.....3.74%
Daredevil/Elektra (combined).....3.74%
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.....1.87%
Sheena.....1.87%
Supergirl.....1.87%
Barbarella.....0.93%
Ghost Rider.....0.93%
Brenda Starr.....0%
Fantastic Four.....0%
Judge Dredd.....0%
Phantom.....0%
The Punisher.....0%
The Shadow.....0%
Tank Girl.....0%
Even with Superman IV on the list - and that's a movie I have personal reasons for hating - this was my easiest choice of these questions. I voted for Batman and Robin, the cinema crap-fest that almost made me believe Wertham was right!
Jason Michaels wrote:
I hadn't heard of this list until now, and wow, there are a lot of bad movies on that list. I'm having trouble picking just one. I may think about this for a day or two and vote later in the week. Thanks for running this poll, and thanks as well for the great columns and stories over the years. I always enjoy reading your work.
Thanks, Jason.
Today is everyone's last chance to vote on last week's Tony Polls questions in which we asked you if you thought the recent Superman copyright ruling would make things better or worse for the comics creators, the comics publishers, and the comics industry in general. You can cast your votes at:
Then, sometime after midnight tonight, those questions will be taken down and replaced by brand-new questions I haven't dreamed up yet. Gosh, I hope they'll be good ones.
Tony's Online Tips is a reader-sponsored feature, made possible through your "Tip The Tipster" donations. Today's column and eleven more like it are being brought to you by a reader whose donation was the second-largest in TOT's history...and I thank him for his incredibly generous support. Thanks to readers like him, we're fully funded through this month and well into May. If you'd like to contribute as well, click on that "Tip The Tipster" link you'll find elsewhere on this page.
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me. I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
I review The Amazing Adventures of Nate Banks #1: Secret Identity Crisis, Secret Identity Crisis: Comic Books and the Unmasking of Cold War America and The Walking Dead Volume 2: Miles Behind Us.
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to:
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