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Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Friday, December 18, 2009
There are so many things I want to write about today. I have my Spider-Man and Thor overviews on tap. I have a short box filled with things I want to review. I have a selection of odds and ends I want to write about sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, I seem to have come down with an acute case of...
...stoopidhead.
I can't decide which of the above I want to write about. When I try to start writing about any of them, the words won't come out of my head or my fingers. So, to buy myself a few hours to recover from this debilitating ailment, I am presenting a selection of my recent Twitter tweets.
Why should I suffer alone?
"My post-Mid-Ohio-Con motto: I have no voice and I must nap!" (10/5)
"I am not the new publisher of DC Comics, but just imagine how many people would crap their pants if I were. It would be awesomely stinky." (10/6)
"Bad as they are, Cleveland Browns are well rid of Braylon Edwards. But I still hope he gets prosecuted for assault." (10/7)
"'I think this is the year the Indians or the Cubs go all the way.' Parallel Universe Tony" (10/8)
"Why are we bombing the moon when it was Mars that attacked us?" (10/9)
"Do I want to be a 'Tasmanian Lovemaking Devil'? Best male enhancement spam headline ever!" (10/10)
"Congratulations to all the Harvey Awards winners, but, come on, Beyonce had one of the best graphic novels ever." (10/11)
"Local health dept offers flu shots "for Infants, Children, & Parents 6 months of age or older." How many 6monthold parents are there?" (10/15)
"I'm home alone for most of the weekend. Must write columns, finish new series overviews, and defend house against criminals." (10/17)
"Dance Flick has arrived from Netflix. Silly parody movies are my crack." (10/17)
"I would order a hit on everyone who sends me Mafia Wars invites, but they would probably enjoy that." (10/18)
"Oh, it's Monday. My back is killing me, my wife's car wouldn't start (I had to leave it in a parking lot and walk home)..." (10/19)
"...I got chased by Canadian geese (how I hate them!), and I had to spend two hours dealing with nonsense..." (10/19)
"...and all I want to do is write a column and finish an overview of a new series. Arrgh!" (10/19)
"Canadian geese are surrounding my house. Thank God I'm home alone. Where's Kevin when I need him?" (10/20)
"Law and Order:' "Dignity" When did John-Boy become the go-to actor for religious zealots? Did you see the chew marks on the scenery?" (10/26)
"Law and Order: "Dignity" Can we get a few arrests for obstruction of justice in these episodes? It's not just a threat, it's a crime." (10/26)
"Yesterday's blood pressure reading: lowest since mini-stroke of a few years back. Today's: even lower. I will outlive my enemies." (10/27)
"I'm watching the nightmare that is the Scream Awards." (10/28)
"Scream Awards. A hour and fifteen minutes in. Most Memorable Mutilation. I am not making this up." (10/28)
"Scream Awards. It was incredibly bad taste to have an actor portray the decaying corpse of Keith Richards. What? He's not dead?" (10/28)
"Scream Awards. Vampires, vampires, vampires, and the odd zombie. What a sad lack of imagination on the part of the voters." (10/28)
"Scream Awards. Thank God for Stan Lee. I got nervous as he moved over the crowd in that flying spider-thing." (10/28)
"But he was fun and, best of all, there was no more show after he got his award." (10/28)
"It's not just a new day, it's a new adventure! I feel the adventure, I dance the dance of adventure, I am the adventure!" (10/29)
"Watched pumpkin launching at daughter's high school. Her team built great catapult. Now in our yard. Neighbors concerned. Heh, heh, heh." (10/30)
"It's Halloween! I wonder if I can still fit into my sexy writer costume." (10/30)
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me. I'll be back on Monday with more stuff.
Tony Isabella
<< 12/17/2009 | 12/18/2009 | 12/21/2009 >>
Discuss this column with me at my Message Board. Also, read Heroes and Villains: Real and Imagined.
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to:
Tony's Online Tips
840 Damon Drive
Medina, OH 44256
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