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Reviews and commentary by Tony Isabella
"America's Most Beloved Comic-Book Writer & Columnist"
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TONY'S ONLINE TIPS
for Wednesday, February 3, 2010
From the home office in Medina, Ohio...
The Top Ten Reasons Why I Couldn't Write a New "Tony's Online Tips" Column For Today
10. Had to run out and buy new batteries for the calculator so I could check the math on the 2011 Federal budget.
9. Spent three hours ripping the covers off chintzy "red sun" Crisis on Infinite Earths crossovers because I figured "Hey, better late than never."
8. Watched my tape of President Obama verbally kicking GOP ass at their meeting over and over again. It really does get better every time.
7. Wrote copy for the It the Living Colossus "I Am an Avenger" teaser ad.
6. Filmed James O'Keefe exposing himself for Joe Francis' new "GOP Gone Wild" DVD series.
5. Wrote copy for the Tessie the Typist "I Am an Avenger" teaser ad.
4. Had phone sex with Sarah Palin using words of one syllable, visual aides, and a GPS unit. Received flowers and candy from her this morning.
3. Had dream about obscenely wealthy Tony Isabella fan buying DC Comics for me. Thought Dan DiDio looked resplendent in that new mail room uniform.
2. Prank-called John Edwards to tell him the DNA test proves he's my father.
And the top reason why I couldn't write a new "Tony's Online Tips" column for today:
1. The blasted photo shoot for my own "I Am an Avenger" teaser ad took forever!
Thanks for spending a part of your day with me. I'll be back tomorrow with more stuff.
Tony Isabella
<< 02/02/2010 | 02/03/2010 | 02/04/2010 >>
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THE "TONY" SCALE
ZERO: Burn your money before buying any comic receiving this rating. It doesn't *necessarily* mean there's absolutely nothing of value here - though it *could* - but whatever value it might possess shrinks into insignificance before its overall awfulness.
ONE: Buy something else. Maybe I found something which wasn't completely dreadful in the item, but not enough for me to recommend it when there are better comics available. I only want what's best for you, my children.
TWO: Basic judgment call. I found some value, but not enough to recommend it. My review should give you enough info to decide if you want to take a chance on it. Are you feeling lucky today, punk? Well, are you?
THREE: This denotes something I find perfectly respectable. There are better books out there, but I wouldn't regret buying this item. Based on my review, you should be able to determine if it's of interest to you. Let the Force guide you.
FOUR: I recommend anything earning this rating. Unless you don't like the genre, subject matter, or past work of the creators, I believe you'll enjoy this item. Isn't it uncanny how I can look right into your soul that way?
FIVE: Anything getting this rating is among the best comicdom has to offer. You should buy/read this, even if the genre/subject matter doesn't appeal to you. It's for your own good. Me, I live for comics and books this good...but not in a pathetic "Comic-Book Guy" sort of way.
Please send material you would like me to review to:
Tony's Online Tips
840 Damon Drive
Medina, OH 44256
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