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THE LAW IS A ASS for 04/09/2002
DOCKET ENTRY
"The Law is a Ass" Installment # 139
Originally written as installment # and published in Comics Buyer's Guide issue # 1470, January 18, 2002 issue
Oops.
You may recall--or you may not, which is why I'm writing these words--that back in February on this very page, I began to reprint a four-part column about the Daredevil story arc "Playing to the Camera" which appeared in Daredevil # 20-25. You may also remember--although I hope not, because then I won't seem quite so dumb--that I ran the first two installments of these columns and then stopped, because, while part four had run in Comics Buyer's Guide, part three hadn't run yet. Comics Buyer's Guide had skipped over part three.
Or so I thought.
Turns out part three had run and I thought it was part two. What about part two? Well, it had run, and I thought it was part one. And what about part one?
Look, it's kind of complicated, okay. Seems my editor at Comics Buyer's Guide combined parts one and two into one longer column rather than print them separately and I didn't notice. Then he ran part three the next week, but I thought it was part two, because I hadn't noticed that part two had run combined with part one the week earlier. So, when part four ran, it hadn't really skipped over part three, it ran right when it was supposed to run after part three, which had run after the combined parts one and two.
See, like I said, it's complicated.
You agree with me on that, don't you? That' it's complicated? 'Cause if you don't agree with me, then you're left wondering how I could have been so stupid, or unfamiliar with my own work, not to have noticed that parts one and two ran together. So you agree with me, right?
Look, either you agree with me or I won't run part three this week and you'll never see it.
Ah, that's better.
******
THE LAW IS A ASS
Installment # 139
by
BOB INGERSOLL
So, if the lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client, what's that say about the lawyer who's suing himself?
We're back in the increasingly familiar territory of "Playing to the Camera," the six-part story Bob Gale wrote for Daredevil # 20-25. When we left Matt Murdock--successful attorney and secret identity of the super-hero Daredevil--he's just agreed to represent Samuel Griggs in a lawsuit against Daredevil for some damage caused to Griggs's greenhouse in a fight between Daredevil and some ninjas. In case you weren't paying attention, that means Matt would be suing himself.
Is that a problem, suing yourself? Nooooo. The law encourages such unethical conflicts of interest. Keeps unemployment down by giving all those people who investigate grievances against lawyers something to do.
Aside from the obvious conflict of interests, this lawsuit gave Matt some logistical problems; like how was he going to appear in court as both Matt Murdock and Daredevil? Still, that was a problem for another day. Today's problem, according to Matt, was how to serve Daredevil with the lawsuit. It's not like Matt could say, "Look, I'm really Daredevil, so I'll accept service on myself." (Of course if he did, it would solve that whole being in two places at the same time problem.)
It's a shame the law schools in New York are so woefully underfinanced. That's the only explanation I have for why Matt's alma mater didn't have any Civil Procedure texts. If they had, Matt would have known personal service isn't required any longer. You don't have to hire a process server to give a copy of the suit to the defendant in person. You can mail a copy to the defendant's last-known address. And, for defendants like Daredevil, who don't have a last-known address, you can have service by publication. Just announce the impending lawsuit in legal newspapers and other public media and the law presumes the intended defendant will see the published notification and be served.
As I said, it's a shame Matt didn't know this. If he had, we could have avoided the nonsense with the Jester. The Jester, a failed actor turned costumed villain from past issues of Daredevil, goes on television and announces he going to give a public performance in a bank at noon. And, sure enough, at noon, the Jester appears in full costume and announces, "This is not a robbery! It's a performance." He then bonks a guard who's going for his gun on the head--not hard but still a bonk--puts a satchel on the floor, tells everyone like all performers he wants to be paid for his efforts and asks them to give whatever they can. He also produces a device that resembles a bomb and says, "Is this a bomb ... full of deadly nerve gas? ... Perhaps our Bank President would ... provide me with an unsecured loan? In return for which I might make this infernal ticking stop."
That's when Daredevil swings in. He and Jester fight, until Jester hits him with the surprise ending of Daredevil # 21, the service papers. Seems Matt's eager new investigator, Elaine Kendrick, hired the Jester as a process server. They staged this event to attract Daredevil so he could be served. Matt congratulates her for her initiative. He should have canned her keister. Not only because personal service isn't necessary, but because her plan was unnecessarily dangerous. What if the bank guard had started shooting? What if one of the patrons had a heart attack and died? Matt's law firm could be sued for negligence, that's what. (Still, I suppose Matt could agree to sue himself again, collect his fee, and make some money out of the deal.)
In Daredevil # 23, the police let the Jester go. He made no explicit threats and had no weapons, only toys. What could they charge him with? Assault of a bank guard for one. Better yet, how about the crime he committed, armed bank robbery? Robbery happens when the robber makes explicit threats orimplied threats, such as holding up a fake bomb and asking for money in return for deactivating it. Deciding whether performance art or a robbery would be up to the jury. The police should still have charged him.
Try this sometime. Go to a bank with a toy gun and ask people for money. Don't threaten them, just ask nicely. See if you don't get convicted for robbery. (Actually, unless you're looking to spend the next several years in confined spaces, don't try it.)
Meanwhile, Daredevil hires Kate Vinokur to represent him. Apparently, not even Matt would be so blatantly conflicted as to represent both Daredevil and Griggs. DD hired her because her fee--only two hundred fifty dollars an hour--isn't calculated to bleed the client dry and she has standards. He certainly didn't hire her for her legal acumen. We learn that, when Kate notes DD can't prove he was home in bed, when Griggs's greenhouse was trashed. As he has no alibi, their only recourse is to establish "reasonable doubt."
They really need to get some civil procedure texts in New York. That way Kate would know that beyond a reasonable doubt is the burden of proof only in criminal cases, not civil cases. In a civil case, you only have to prove your case by a preponderance of the evidence, or by more than fifty percent. And Kate would also know about the Doctrine of Emergency, which says damage caused by someone who is acting in an emergency situation--like a super-hero fighting evil ninjas--isn't always actionable. This would be a much better defense than alibi, especially when they only had to prove it by a preponderance of the evidence.
Of course, as Kate doesn't know this, who knows how she'll represent Daredevil. We'll find out next time in, "Ethics? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Ethics," or "Suit Yourself."
******
BOB INGERSOLL, lawyer and legal analyst of this here paper, can be reached at P.O. Box 24314, Lyndhurst, OH 44124-0314 or law@wfcomics.com should you want to hire me to sue somebody. Considering I have read a Civil Procedure text, I figure I can charge five hundred dollars an hour. Six hundred, if you want me to sue myself. After all, I'll have to cover my attorney fees.
Bob Ingersoll
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